Homoerotic Friday (Eminem - Disqualified !!!!)

Ok, sorry that the last few Fridays have been missing that little touch of homoerotic magic. January was a bit of an ugly month and we at Anandamide have been neglecting you, our gentle readers. But we have been paying attention to your comments. Coaster Punchman was wondering why none of his his submissions for the homoerotic photo contest had appeared. Good question. He, and a number of others sent in some real quality man flesh that never saw the light of day. Why you might ask? Because they were disqualified from the contest for one reason or another.

So that the disqualified parties understand why their pictures never appeared and so nobody is deprived of these photos, we will occasionally run some of these entries on homoerotic friday, with an explanation for disqualification.

First case in point: CP’s fine Eminem submission. This is a great entry because a) Eminem is sexist and homophobic and b) this photo is about as gay as it gets. So why the disqualification? To cite the original contest rules “Only classic rock band photos will be posted”. So Eminem didn’t make the cut for the contest. But I won’t deprive my readers of this tasteful art photo any longer. Ladies and germs…..EMINEM !!!!! Thanks Punchman.

“Watch it explode in my mouth !!!“

Anandamide Patron Saint: Rick Wakeman

OK, Clarence Clemons has been receiving our prayers for a couple of months now, and after a while even the big man can’t fit all my burdens on his shoulders. This month has been filled with unique challenges that require the attention of a saint who is a little more…..progressive. Until further notice, our prayers will be directed to Yes keyboard wizard Rick Wakeman.

Claims to Sainthood

-Popularized capes as manly apparel.

-Reportedly left Yes in the early ’70s due to “musical differences” and the fact that he was the only non-vegetarian in the band.

-Made Yanni look like a doobie-smoking couch potato by releasing no fewer than eight new age-y albums in 1991, including the trilogy “Aspirant Sunrise”, “Aspirant Sunset” and “Aspirant Sunshadows”.

-Not only made a concept album called “The Myths and Legends of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table”, but went bankrupt putting a theatrical version on ice. I bestow honorary Canadian Citizenship upon him.

-Played piano on “There’s No One Quite Like Grandma” by the St. Winifred’s School Choir”. Unfortunately, this one never made it to the ice.

Patron Saint of:

-Men who dress like superheros.

-Meat eaters.

-Keyboard players and anyone else who can’t get a date.

-Women who’ve been beheaded by their royal husbands.

-Anandamide.

DSM-V Case Study: Axis I, Bold as Love

Jimi, a male of indeterminate age was wheeled in by his manager and various family members. As the patient’s court-appointed guardian, his manager informed us that the patient was “too fragile” to participate in the interview unless covered by a blanket. I expressed concern and agreed to conduct the interview with the blanket on, deciding instead to deal with this rather strange quirk therapeutically. No defining physical characteristics were observed. The patient’s affect was static.

I communicated with the patient’s minders to discuss their concerns about previous medical diagnoses, assuring them that while other medical specialists might rush to morbid prognoses simply because they didn’t know what to do with his symptoms, the psychiatric profession prided itself on really listening and being comfortable with uncertainty.

The interview was, indeed, extremely informative. The patient was anhedonic, bordering on catatonic. He was unable to confirm experiencing a sense of hopelessness and depressed mood, so all consuming was his misery. This observer also noticed the patient’s poor personal hygiene, as evidenced by a body odor so profound that one of the janitorial staff was heard to observe “yikes, who died in here?”, hours after the interview.

Discussion of Axis I, Bold as Love

The patient’s catatonic state, total disruption of social functioning and disregard for personal hygiene are indicative of a Major Depressive Disorder. Patient was given a prescription for sertraline, a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor, with a plan to begin cognitive therapy.

Follow Up

The patient’s manager wheeled him in six weeks later, reporting that there had been no change in his condition. I concurred that he looked somewhat lifeless. His manager became defensive. “What are you saying? Are you saying he looks dead? Well, I’ll tell you mister, he put out three albums last year. Does that sound like a dead guy to you?”

The patient is not responding well to cognitive therapy, we will concentrate on more behavioral strategies like short walks and relaxation breathing. It is also recommended that the patient switch from sertraline to zyprexa.

Gone Fishin’

Hey all,

Forgive the lack of activity of late. I am traveling for work for most of January and may or may not be able to post for a couple of weeks.

I don’t know whether it’s encouraging or depressing that traffic to this site remains pretty much the same whether I show up or not. I guess my ramblings are no match for semi-clothed pictures of Bon Jovi.

See you all soon…..