Dear All,
I’m writing this to wish you, my friends and family a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday.
That’s right, if you’re the type of schmuck who can sit around drinking mulled wine and eating chocolate mints while our planet goes to hell, go right ahead but plan on celebrating without me this year. Really, what does anyone have to be happy about? Despite the best efforts of my own Walden Woods Project, Americans remain a bunch of greedy, self-obsessed assholes who are slowly flushing our planet down the toilet like the excreted remnants of a Taco Bell dinner. Way back in 1976 I wrote a little song called “Hotel California” about what a consumptive trap our culture is. Did anyone listen? Not a chance. All I’d ever hear is “wicked guitar solo, bro” or “is colitas weed, dude?”. I’ve spent my life throwing pearls to stoned-out swine. Maybe I’d do better if I wrote the message on a bong.
I don’t want to call myself a prophet, but maybe you remember “Dirty Laundry”? The only substantial thing on the radio in 1982? Way back then, who could have foreseen how obsessed with dirt our media would get ? I’ll tell you who….ME !!!! But did anyone heed my warning? No, they were too busy “Doin’ the Neutron Dance”. Well, now wallow in the filth you created, piggies. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Don’t even get me started on the music business. What a bunch of shit fills the airwaves these days. Where are the simple melodies, four part harmonies and easy country rhythms that are the mark of real music? Rap? I don’t get it… Grunge? Give me a fucking break. If any of those goatee sportin’ creeps want a lesson in music, I’ll give them one, and it’ll come in the form of a Gucci loafer in their ass.
Get it together, people. And happy holidays.
Best of my love,
Don
p.s. Mom: the locksmith is coming to change the locks on my Malibu place on Wednesday. I expect you to leave your keys in the mailbox and be gone by the time they get there. Merry Christmas, freeloading hag.
That’s what’s needed this Christmas season. Tough love from one of the Eagles. Joe Walsh was probably too buzzed to do it.
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Wow! He’s almost as much of a badass as Warren Beatty!
Mr. Henley,
Do you realize how much damage your hair care products do to the ozone layer everyday?
Sincerely,
Al Gore and a family of Panda Bears
(Yes, you probably think I meant Polar Bears but you melted the ice caps, you fuck…..now it’s all Panda Bears up here in the Arctic munching on bamboo.)
I’m sorry but that’s a really good picture of Don Henley and that’s all I can think about. If you wanted me to pay attention to the message, maybe Joe Walsh is your guy.
And now all I can think about is how Stevie Nicks had sex with both of them. How do you go from Lindsey Buckingham to Mick Fleetwood to Don Henley to Joe Walsh? Lots and lots of cocaine would be my guess.
Anandamide–you are truly a genius. How do you get these celebrities to contribute to your blog? Are you, like, Stevie Nicks’ second cousin or something? Sincerely, UF Mike
Bubs: Just wait until Timothy B. Schmitt gets his letter out !!!! Scorched earth !!!
Margaret:
Beatty? Beatty? Who the fuck is Beatty?
Don
Dear Al,
Didja ever think that the Bears might have melted the ice cap with their hair dryers?
Not so smart now, are ya egghead?
Don
Beckeye: Stevie Nicks had sex with Joe Walsh? You may see that a sign of the apocolypse, but I (and all of my male readers) see it as a sign of hope !!!!
UF: Sure, people think that my celebrity connections are the result of pure dumb luck. Well let me tell you, luck comes to those who work for it. These cameos are the result of endless nights I’ve spent on the Malibu hot tub circuit. My skin is wrinkled like a prune and my sinuses are totally fucked but I’m willing to suffer so that you, my dear readers, can reap their wisdom.
I guess Don gave to Stevie his leather and took from her her lace. Anyway, Donnie should shut the fuck up, Today, they’re putting deadhead stickers on Hummers.
Sorry, Don, ‘taint easy bein green. An’ it’s also friggin x-pensive, too!! Work on reducing poor people and we’ll consider paying 2x as much for free-range brown chicken eggs and recycled toilet paper.
I have been here like three or four times today waiting for a Zepplin post. What is the delay?
Hillman: that just doesn’t fit as well in a song….
Evil, Evil: I’m tapped out after that epic…but maybe this marks the occasion for a re-post.
Hot Lemon:
Great suggestion. I pledge to include a free cyanide tablet to anyone purchasing a copy of “The Eagles Greatest Hits” at Wal-Mart.
Don
Mr. Henley,
How dare you acuse people without your means of being irresponsible. You know goddamn well the majority of the population would change our situation given the opportunity to do so. Instead of spending your retirement being bitter, why not help your fellow woman/man in the worthy endeavour you started?
I live in Dallas and have seen his house, and this SOB is going to tell ME and mine how to live. While not quite the monstrosity that is Mark Cuban’s house, (Cuban does not preach to people like former coke head supreme Henley does, you know Mr. Henley; do as I say, not as I do, that type of mentality.) His house epitomizes conspicuous consumption. He and his elitist wife bought this house years ago, and they are STILL remodeling it. (When he does not get his way on something, he sicks his lawyers on the county and cries until her gets his way just like a toddler.) His wife used to be a fashion model, personally, i don’t see it. Christie Brinkley she’s NOT. And CB is even older than Sharon and her nappy hair, and CB looks a thousand times better. She has MS and seems to handle it well however. But DH is the last person to be tellin’ people how to live. Hey Donnie boy, why don’t you quit using private jets every time you have to go to the grocery store, sell the hotel/resort like mammoth compound YOU and your wife and 3 kids live in. Sell your fancy cars, Buy a 3,500 – 4,000 square ft home on a acre or so, which would be more than enough for 5 people, and then you will have room to tell us how to live. If not STFU! I will drive my Hummer until the sky turns black. Practice what you preach you former coke head hypocrite.
P.S. and i dont care he lives the way he does, good for him and his success, but i’ll be damned if he is going to tell me to conserve, when he and his ilk don’t. How many designer outfits a year does his “fashion model” wife go through?? Probably enough to cloth an entire 3rd world country.
P.S.S. You all would not be shit without Joe Walsh, (seeing as how you threw Felder under the bus) because YOU, and the new Eagles CD, SUCK!
fuck don henley!! he is an arrogant son of a bitch. and fuck his bitchy homely square faced manly looking OLD wife too.
every time i see his wife, i will never understand, how a man like don henely, who has been with some of the most beautiful women in the world, ended up with her.
I think Don’s wife Sharon is not old and very pretty. Maybe you dislike Don, but no need to bash his beautiful wife.
Sorry meant to say . Don’s wife Sharon is not old and she is very beautiful. No need to bash her if you don’t like her husband.
I like DH, he is a good singer and songwriter, been a fan of his since the 70’s. But he does seem very pretentious and aloof. I too saw a pic of DH’s wife (Sharon something was her name) on the internet once when i Googled don henley for tickets & dates to one of his solo tours. Ya, ummm, i’d have to agree, i did not think she was all that nice looking either, Especially for being married to a rock star. And they have some kids together, so that is important. More power to him then i say. To the post above me, i bet back in his heyday the Eagles had multitudes of the most beautiful women ever.
They probably did. And hey more power to them. You only live once..
Sorry, lake TAHOE, (typo) and yes it’s cold….but Beautiful beyond reason. Would not live anywhere else.
Don
I dont understand how someone who is talented and intelligent can be so bitter. You sound so pissed off and mean everytime you comment. I also cant believe anyone can talk to their own mother the way you do. I dont care how greedy she is she is your mother…
puzzled
Don took very good care of his mother! Every speech Don gave. He spoke very highly of her.
Don Henley = grade a ass hole.
he is getting old, and it sucks for him.
his glory days are far behind him. The new cd
was not good, i bought it, but more for nostalgia reasons, wasted my money, listed to it, maybe 3 times. I still listen to Hotel California after all these 30 plus years later! I won’t be able say they same about that p.o.s. that they claim is music. your heyday is over Donnie boy, time to come in now and quit “riding fences” and hang it up…your getting old and you have not been relevant since the 70’s, and you can’t write decent songs anymore anyway.
Obviouly you bought his CD. Well you enjoy his music. Didn’t your mother ever tell you if you have nothing good to say about someone, don’t say anything.
get off your high horse,you fired Felder because you wanted to keep most of the money(like u hav’nt enough) get Felder back u suck without him
Man some idiot by the name of JOANNE on here has way too much time on her hands replying to everyone’s post….and you obviously cant read and comprehend –or spell…”Obviouly [sic] you bought his CD. Well you enjoy his music. Didn’t your mother ever tell you if you have nothing good to say about someone, don’t say anything.” Well, the post said, “The new cd was not good, i bought it, but more for nostalgia reasons, wasted my money, listed [sic] to it, maybe 3 times. I still listen to Hotel California after all these 30 plus years later! I won’t be able say they same about that p.o.s. that they claim is music.” can u not read idiot?!! NOSTALGIC reasons were the reason for the purchase,and the person did not like their new cd. And as far as his wife goes, i Googled some pics of her cause i had no idea what she looked like, and while not ugly, she is hardly a great beauty. JMO, but I’m sure he could have done a whole helluva lot better. Now Felder is the one whose wife–new wife anyway–is frigging beautiful.
I actually got to meet don felder at a charity golf game sometime last year(2008)….nice nice guy,and his fiance’, i dont think they were married just yet, was there, her name was Katherine Nicholson i think, and she IS really really really pretty. I am not trying 2 b mean, but i dont think don henelys wife, or glenn frys wife, (there are pics of them, plus felders significant other,)all 3 of them r on the net, anyway, neither of them can come close to felder’s girlfriend/current wife in the looks department, his girlfriend is beautiful. In all fairness though, i think she is a lot younger than henleys and freys wives 2.
Yes, Don Henley’s wife is not model-pretty. She is an average-attractive woman. She is not a beauty. Regardless of how she looks, he is with her and she is the mother of his children. Henley seems to be a good/dedicated father. However, I wonder if their marriage is all that good and perfect. He seems to spend a lot of time on the road or involved in diverse projects.