DSM-V Case Study: What is My Charisma?

Gene, a 58 year-old businessman complained that he had difficulty getting the respect he felt he deserved and that he felt “financially dissatisfied”. The patient stated that he is “a major rock star” and had been a member of “the biggest, loudest, ass kicking show in history”. He also stated that he had engaged in sexual relations with “over 4,000 women”. In the interest of putting this comment (and his claims of rock stardom) into perspective, it should be noted that the patient is a somewhat overweight, late middle aged male with stringy, dyed hair, of no particular physical attractiveness. Noting some skepticism on my part, the patient stated that “you wish you were me, pill pusher” and proceeded to pull out a shoe box full of Polaroid pictures, featuring naked women in various lurid poses. The patient then presented what he called “a business proposition”, suggesting that I act as a consultant for a national chain of female “KISS-iatrists” When I asked him what this meant the patient stated (and I quote) “TWO WORDS: TOPLESS THERAPISTS !!!”. I informed the patient that entering into such a business relationship with a patient would be a violation of the ethical standards of my profession and considered the matter closed.

A week later, the patient showed up for a follow-up session wearing a bizarre demon outfit, consisting of 6-inch heels, kabuki make-up, a suit of chains and a cod-piece (!!?!). The patient was removed from the building by security.

Discussion of “What is My Charisma?”

The patient’s grandiose claims were clearly not consistent with reality, suggesting a delusional disorder and possibly cognitive impairment. His desire to be noticed, as evidenced by his sexual boasts and outlandish costume are symptomatic of severe Axis II pathology and his lust for money bordered on the pathological. The patient is therefore given a diagnosis of Attention Starved Personality Disorder, Avaricious type. This diagnosis is provisional on a thorough assessment to rule out the presence of a cognitive impairment or thought disorder.

Follow Up

As the patient had been forcibly removed during his follow up session, we were unable to track the case further. Two months later, however, a young woman knocked on my office door, wearing a small bikini that barely covered her breasts. “Gene sent me” she said “I’m your Kiss-iatrist”.

It’s YOU Babe…..

OK, this jerky blog routinely pokes fun at its betters. I’ve boxed the ankles of giants: John Lennon, Bono, Keith Richards, Elton John. Other than one irate letter objecting to my smarmy roast of Paul McCartney, I’ve pretty much steered clear of trouble. That was before I mentioned Dennis DeYoung. As my Hebrew brothers and sisters are fond of saying: Oy ! Vey !

As previously mentioned, some Dennis DeYoung fans took my totally false interview seriously. So I posted a disclaimer making it clear it was phony baloney. And for good measure I visited their chat room to make it even more clear. They were pretty nice people, actually. Just a little over-protective….

Anyway, I thought the matter was put to rest and continued on with my sad, misanthropic posts. Then I got another spike in my Styx-related traffic (nothing that ZZ Top needs to worry about, but noticeable all the same). The source of this spike? Apparently some misguided soul wrote to Dennis DeYoung’s wife to ask if the stuff in the interview was true.

So rather than state yet again that the Dennis DeYoung interview is false, I’ll let Suzanne DeYoung rebut the charges herself. Unlike pretty much everything else on this site, this is genuine and comes from dennisdeyoung.com.

Dear Dan,
This is the first time we have ever heard or seen this site/interview. I have sent your e-mail with the information to our management department. We will ask them to have it taken down immediately. I will not print your e-mail for obvious reasons. I will however answer your questions.

NO. Dennis has never used cocaine! NEVER!

This site has apparently been put up to discredit my husband’s integrity and good name!
“Come Sail Away,” was written in our home during the winter months of 1977. We had just returned from Hawaii with our family. WE and I do mean WE never questioned or were tired of touring or traveling together for my husband’s career. WE both had decided very early on in my husband’s career, that WE would both work together, grow as a young married couple together and then as a family together, to do everything we could together, towards making my husband’s career and STYX a success. That meant many sacrifices. WE were a strong family then and WE are still a strong family today.
We didn’t have a lot of money after I quit work to become a full time mom. A year or so after our daughter’s birth my husband and his band decided to quit their day jobs and concentrate on solely their music career. Dennis was the only married man with a child. There were not enough jobs for Dennis’ income to support a family. I returned to work as our savings depleted down to $25.00.
In 1975 the band decided to leave Wooden Nickel and had an opportunity to be signed by a REAL record company. Getting out of the Wooden Nickel contact meant Dennis had to give up all current and previous royalties (I only mention previous because we NEVER received ANY royalties from Wooden Nickel EVER!) The other writers had to do the same thing. However, Dennis had the most to lose. Even though we had never received any monies, he was still OWED a great deal of money. There was never any question in our mind even though WE had no money and very little income coming in, that WE would sacrifice anything and every cent owed us, to further the bands career.
Later that year Dennis received his First ASCAP check. A very short time later, we discovered that our First manager had not paid the bands taxes (among other things!) We found this information out on the very First day that STYX was to record its First album for A & M Records. Upon arriving at the studio much to their surprise, the IRS had confiscated all the bands equipment! Again, there was never any question in our minds as to how our ASCAP check should be used. WE used to retrieve the bands’ equipment. WE used it for the good of the band.
There are many more stories I can tell you about my husband’s integrity and how WE always put STYX first. Perhaps someday I’ll bore you by putting it ALL in a “True Story, No Lies” book. STYX was the most import thing in our life. Dennis would NEVER joke or compromise his career and that of his friends and band mates or our lives by using cocaine!
WE did not lose out on the pot of gold…WE made it happen together!

Suzanne

So there you have it. WE are sorry for any misunderstanding…..

Inside the Songwriter’s Studio: Hot Blooded

Inside the Songwriter’s Studio is a regular feature in which the artists responsible for some of our era’s most enduring songs sit down with James Lipton to reveal their deepest thoughts about the song writing craft and the inspiration behind their classic works. Here, Mr. Lipton talks with Mick Jones and Lou Gramm of Foreigner about their song “Hot Blooded”.

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James Lipton: How did you guys come up with the chorus?

Lou Gramm: Well strangely enough, the original chorus was (sings)

“Hot blooded, don’t know what to do,

I got a fever of 102“.

But the record company suggested we change it to 103. They said it just sounded…well…

JL: …hotter?

LG: Yes, hotter, and more….ummm….

JL: …feverish?

LG: Yeah, feverish, that’s the word I was looking for.

JL: There seems to be a strong….I don’t know exactly how to say this…theme of pedophilia in the song?

Mick Jones: What? What do you mean?

JL: “Hot blooded, every night, hot blooded, you’re lookin’ so tight”

MJ: Sorry, I still don’t see what you’re driving at.

JL: “Are you old enough? Will you be ready when I call your bluff?”. It seems like a pretty unambiguous come on to a young girl.

MJ: Well, sure, if you take it literally.

JL: Exactly how else should the listener take it?

MJ: Well, I was reading a lot of William Blake at the time, particularly “Songs of Innocence and Experience”. The song is basically a meditation on the fact that innocence and experience are the two contrary states of the human soul. We’re acknowledging the duality of a child’s descent into the adult world. On the one hand, there is no true innocence without experience, on the other hand so many who gain this experience lose their innocence forever.

So no, you’d be making a mistake if you took the song too literally.

JL: Thank you, that sheds new light on the lyric. Another thing I’ve always been interested in is the line “before we do, you’ll have to get away from you know who”. What is that referring to?

LG: The girl’s father.

JL: The girl’s father?

LG: Sure, nobody likes a cock blocker.

MJ: He means that figuratively, of course. A metaphorical “cock blocker”

LG: Yeah, metaphorical…..

*****

disclaimer

Anandamide Patron Saint: Meat Loaf

Until further notice, Anandamide’s patron saint is Meat Loaf.

Claims to Sainthood:

-He wants you, he needs you. But there ain’t no way he’s ever going to love you.

-Sang “Hot Patootie” in the Rocky Horror picture show, then got killed and eaten, inspiring audiences to yell “if it bounces, it’s Meat Loaf !!!”

-Once allowed a Volkswagen to roll over his head on a dare.

-Normally served warm as part of the main course, but can also be sliced and served as a cold cut.

Patron Saint of:

-Teenagers who are “doubly blessed”.

-Men with “bitch tits”.

-Couples who made promises in a frenzy of teenage passion and who are now “praying for the end of time”.

-High school football stars from the late ’70s who’ve been working in anonymity at the local feed mill for the last twenty years but who want to stage a comeback: “State championship II: Back to State”.

-Anyone who is trying to resist the temptation to do “that” for love.  Meat Loaf stood firm, so can you.**

-Anandamide

**thanks to Patrick Hillman for being the first to point this omission out.

Inside the Songwriter’s Studio: Free Bird

Inside the Songwriter’s Studio is a regular feature in which the artists responsible for some of our era’s most enduring songs sit down with James Lipton to reveal their deepest thoughts about the song writing craft and the inspiration behind their classic works. Here, Mr. Lipton talks with Johnny VanZandt, current lead singer of Lynyrd Skynyrd about “Free Bird” which was co-written by his brother Ronnie and Allen Collins.

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James Lipton: “Free Bird” is truly a classic of our era.

Johnny VanZandt: I thank you sir, and I’m sure somewhere up in heaven Ronnie VanZandt and Allen Collins are lookin’ down on us and sayin’ “thank you” as well.

JL: The song seems to reflect a deep-rooted restlessness…

JVZ: Yes sir.

JL: …it’s almost as if the narrator can’t stand to stay in one place too long

JVZ: Yes sir, I reckon that’s true.

JL: Isn’t it ironic, then, that the song “sticks around” with nearly 13 minutes of guitar solos? It’s almost like it refuses to leave.

JVZ:  Could be, what does ironic mean?

*****

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