Disclaimer

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I fell afoul of a group of Dennis DeYoung fans, which is a bummer. Styx isn’t Styx without Dennis,* and I dig Styx.

Apparently they mistook the previous post for a real interview. In order to prevent such mishaps in the future I would like to offer the following disclaimer that applies to all past and future postings.

EVERYTHING ON THIS SITE IS A DAMN, DIRTY LIE !!!!

That’s right. This site is a fount of fabrication. A fish tale with no real fish.

To clarify further:

-Bono does not require Adam Clayton to buy weed exclusively from Malawi. Burundi is also fine…

-Did Elton John ask for Rod Stewart to get a disease of the throat and testicles? I don’t have proof, but I can’t exactly rule it out either. I shouldn’t have to. These posts are, as they say, “docu-drama”.

-I am not having a torrid affair with an army of ZZ Top fans…not for any lack of trying on my part. Just hasn’t happened yet…

- Stevie Nicks did not float into my window while I was working on my dissertation, repeat a bunch of Tony Robbins quotes then leave when she realized I had no Percocet. Miss Stephanie is a lady. And like I have a dissertation to work on….HA !!

-I have not provided psychiatric services to Sting and I lack the professional qualifications to diagnose him with “Pompous Personality Disorder” and make it stick. Same goes for Paul Mcartney. That “Dementia Sucrosa” thing? I made it up. In reality, I am far too much of a macho-type to be involved in anything as touchy-feely as clinical psychology. I’m no pinky longslipper, buddy.

IN SHORT, THIS BLOG IS “ALL FILLER, NO KILLER”. SORRY FOR THE CONFUSION. RESUME REGULAR PROGRAMMING.

ps. Oh yeah, one more thing: despite appearances, this post is not just a “Happy Days”-esque way to recycle old material into a new post.

*Ominus Spiritus, Larry Gowan….

Published in: on September 29, 2007 at 1:42 pm Comments (22)

Inside the Songwriter’s Studio: Come Sail Away

Inside the Songwriter’s Studio is a regular feature in which the artists responsible for some of our era’s most enduring songs sit down with James Lipton to reveal their deepest thoughts about the song writing craft and the inspiration behind their classic works. Here, Mr. Lipton talks with Dennis DeYoung of Styx about their song “Come Sail Away”.

Disclaimer

******

James Lipton: “Come Sail Away” seems to be written from a standpoint that is at once nostalgic and oriented towards the future. The narrator talks resignedly about missing out on “the pot of gold” but also vows to “carry on” and celebrates the fact that he’s “free to face the life that’s ahead of me” Was this perspective inspired by your personal life?

Dennis DeYoung: Well, that’s really a very perceptive question. In fact, at that time we had been struggling as a band for a number of years, and had yet to really break through commercially. I had a young family and was really wondering whether all of the struggle was worth it. On the other hand, we knew we were coming up with some of our best material, so we had reason to believe that things would open up for us.

JL: I’ve always found it strange, that you switch from that down-to-earth perspective into the realm of science fiction, with the narrator climbing aboard a starship and heading for the skies at the end of the song. What was the inspiration for that?

DDY: At risk of sounding all meta-physical, sometimes you feel like something larger than yourself takes over and gives you a lyric. That’s what happened for the “starship” part.

JL: Do you care to speculate as to what that “something larger” might be?

DDY: Well, we were doing a lot of coke at the time….

 

 

Published in: on September 26, 2007 at 9:27 am Comments (26)

The Bong Remains the Same (Part 5: Finale)

Previous episodes: Part 4, Part 3, Part 2, Part 1

******

We awoke the next morning to the warmth of sunlight and the sound of Prince Percy serenading the new day.

“Got no time for spreading roots, the time has come…to be gone”

It was as if he were bathed in fairy dust, as our journey brightened the moment he joined. We were enjoying good weather, camaradarie and all variety of human comforts which the Rover seemed able to conjure at will. Nevertheless we couldn’t help but wonder about what awaited us at journey’s end. The Rover never spoke of our goal, nor did we dare to ask, given that he was providing us with all that our appetites could demand.

While there was a true spirit of brotherhood among us, we couldn’t help but notice that The Rover and Lord Jim were growing closer and beginning to draw away from the group. They would go on long walks so they couldn’t be heard and would whisper to themselves when the rest of us were around. It was clear that when The Rover revealed our mission, he would look to Lord Jim for an ally.

After a few days of respite, the hardships of our journey returned. The days grew dark and the good hearted banter that had filled our camp turned to a brooding silence. Perhaps the others were thinking of home or missing loved ones, or perhaps we all began to fill with dread for what might lie ahead. Sir John seemed to act as the barometer for the general mood and relied on an ever steadier flow of tipple to sustain his resolve.

One reason for the sudden downturn in spirits may have been pure fatigue, for it seemed we had spent the past two days, ascending into an ominous mountain range. The Rover pointed to a single peak that soared high above the range around it. It looked too steep to climb.

“It is the only way that we will truly be able to see and gain advantage upon the army we are to face” he told us.

All that day we embarked on a gruelling climb. Cold sleet whipped our faces, our hands nearly frozen to the reins of our horses. Finally, we had to leave the horses behind and continue up the mountain on foot.

When we finally reached the top, Sir John broke the silence: “Now, Rover, tell us why you have brought us here”.

It was Lord Jim that responded: “Stand on yonder rock, John, and it will all become clear”.

We all rushed to the rock and were greeted with the most incredible sight. Down in the valley below was an army of young people, reaching as far in every direction as the eye could see. They appeared entirely aimless and on the brink of chaos. We watched them for what seemed to be hours, for it was a most incredible sight. As we watched, we began to share Sir John’s mead to celebrate our arrival. I began to feel quite woozy and I could see that Percy and John Paul were beginning to slur their words as well.

“Now” said the Rover “here is why I have brought you here. The army you see below you stretches on halfway around the world, and holds the keys to unimaginable wealth and power. He who is able to conquer them shall never want for anything again.”

“What has this to do with us?” asked Prince Percy.

“I can deliver them unto you” said The Rover.

The mead had made us all feel uninhibited, but Sir John was a gallon ahead of us and seemed to voice our growing sense of suspicion: “What’s in it for you, then, eh? What will we owe you for bestowing this on us?”

“Nothing in this lifetime. You need only accept the spoils of victory for the rest of your days on earth”

“What’s the catch?” said Sir John, his courage bolstered with another mouthful of mead.

Now it was Lord Jim who spoke “John, some people believe that men have souls and they hope that these souls might live for eternity. I for one, don’t put much stock in these things. In fact, I believe that such superstitious notions hold people back. The Rover merely asks that we surrender our naive hopes, so that we can take advantage of this opportunity”.

“All you need to do is sign this simple piece of paper I hold” said the Rover.

We stood dumbstruck for a moment.

“Are you asking us to sell our souls?” said Prince Percy in solemn disbelief.

“That question presumes we have souls to sell” said Lord Jim “a rather silly old notion, really”.

“All I ask is that you sign this paper and you will command the army you see below you, and all the power, riches and fame that come with it will be yours” said the Rover.

That was the last I remember, for the mead and the mountain air finally overtook me. When I awoke, Percy, John and John-Paul also seemed dazed and confused.

“What happened last night, did we sign the paper, Rover?” asked Prince Percy.

“What paper?” said the Rover.

“The paper that would give us power over the masses below us” said Sir John.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” said the Rover.

“Seems everyone had a little too much to drink last night” laughed Lord Jim.

The rest of us looked at each other. Had we really imagined the whole thing?

Before we could discuss it further, the Rover spoke “Come, I will show you what you have been brought here for”.

He led them down the mountain a little, to a ledge overlooking the crowd. Instruments had been assembled there, and behind them an enormous wall of large black boxes each bearing the name of someone named “Marshall”. When Lord Jim, John Paul the Minstrel and Sir John had been set up at their instruments, The Rover pointed Prince Percy to a microphone at the front of the stage.

“Now you must go, Percy, and make this crowd yours”

Prince Percy took one last look out across the vast crowd, hesitated for a moment then cried out:

“Valhalla, I am coming !!!!”

Just as The Rover had predicted, the crowd was mesmerized. Their chaotic movements were instantly transformed into a single motion in which they all appeared to hit their foreheads repeatedly into some imaginary wall. After watching this amazing event for a while, I became aware that my role in all of this had not been revealed.

“Rover, now you must tell me why I have been brought along on this journey”.

He looked at me solemnly.

“You don’t think these amps are going to move themselves, do you?”

*****

THE END

Published in: on September 22, 2007 at 6:07 am Comments (17)

Why Melbourne, Australia is Better Than Whatever Shitty Town You Live In….

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Sure, you could gripe about the fact that there’s no lightening bolt between “AC” and “DC”, but since your town doesn’t have a street named after the guys who sang “Big Balls” that’d come off like jealous nitpicking now, wouldn’t it?

Published in: on September 17, 2007 at 12:03 pm Comments (18)

Reunited…and it feels good.

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You guys are going to be thrilled. I know I am. Late yesterday, the hordes of ZZ Top fans who left so abruptly on Monday returned to my site. This supports Grant Miller’s theory that Google tried to split us up. So I have a message for this “Google” person: Bitch, you best be mindin’ your own business !!!! Nobody is going to keep me and my legions of ZZ Top fanzz apart !!!

I know what you’re thinking: “Just the other day he was saying he was too proud to put up with their obnoxious behavior any more”. Well I’m telling you, things are different now. My ZZ Top searchers have grown from being apart from us these last few days. Not that they said that. Actually, they still haven’t said anything. I can just feel that things are better this time. It just feels more (dare I say it?)…permanent.

I also came to realize that the problem was me. I mean, they work hard at being “bad” and “nationwide”. They get tired and just want to come here at the end of the day and relax, not listen to me nag about how they never actually read any of the posts or leave comments. God, I can be such a bitch sometimes. Maybe it’s just time for me to be supportive for a change.

So we’re together again. Isn’t that just the greatest thing you’ve heard all day?

Published in: on September 13, 2007 at 11:50 am Comments (17)

Dumped? Moi?

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If you’re a regular reader you know, this blog has been carrying on a torrid week-long affair with fans of Texas blues-rockers ZZ Top. We hit some dizzying heights together. I was swept off my feet by the hundreds of daily hits from people looking for “zz top”, “ZZ Top”, “ZZ ToP” and “zz tops”. And I dare say they found our oh-so-clever musings intoxicating. At least they must have found something intoxicating, as they clearly weren’t sober.

Anyway, that’s all over now. I knew yesterday, but I wasn’t saying anything. It was still too fresh, and there was still a chance they’d come to their senses and admit they’d made a big mistake. But now I’m pretty sure it’s over and I have to get this off my chest.

What happened? I wish I knew. Things were still going hot and heavy Friday, with 150-odd Top-related hits. I was even thinking of selling my house and moving to Houston. Then Monday rolls around and just like that, they’re gone. Zero hits. I thought it was weird when they showed up out of nowhere, offering no explanation, but things were so great I didn’t want to ask questions. So I shouldn’t have been surprised when they left the same way, but I just never saw it coming.

OK, I hear you talking:

“Anandamide got dumped”

“It was probably that Led Zeppelin epic, so obscure and pedantic”

“You gotta entertain people like that or they won’t stick around”

I’m telling you it wasn’t like that. It wasn’t a one-sided break up, it was totally mutual. Maybe they were afraid of making a commitment to the site, but it wasn’t like it was all hot rods and fuzzy guitars on my end. I couldn’t stand the way they’d leave their beer cans lying around everywhere, burping and listening to Edgar Winter all night long. And you want to talk about being emotionally unavailable ? They’d come any time they wanted and never say anything. I mean, I’m as manly as the next man but I have feelings. Needs. If you cut me, I bleed. So I wasn’t going to sit around, giving away the best years of my life on the off chance they’d drop by, only to split every time the Top made a windmill motion and pointed towards the door. I have my pride.

Don’t worry about me. I’m OK with it. I’m in a good place. A strong place. What’s in the bag? Ice cream, OK? No, I’m not going on an eating binge in my room, I just like ice cream. Now it’s best if you leave, I have stuff to get done.

Anandamide Patron Saint: Sib Hashian

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Ok, nobody is stopping you from continuing to direct your prayers to Ace Frehley (Elizabeth, we’re talking to you here….) but we at Anandamide will have a new intercessor for the weeks to come. As of today, our new patron saint is former Boston drummer Sib Hashian.

Claims to Sainthood:

-Played drums on groovy hits like “More Than a Feeling”.

-Owned a chain of tanning salons in the Boston area.

-Starred with fellow Boston member Barry Goudreau in this high tech car commercial.***

-Jammed with fellow party rocker Sammy Hagar in Sammy’s band “The Waborites”

-Dude, seriously, look at that ‘fro, and that cool lightening bolt shirt*.

Patron Saint of:

-Bald men

-Anyone who ever struggled socially and wished they could just show up at a party and people would say “hey, that dude looks like fun”.

-Anyone who ever worked with a control freak.

-Anyone who ever sat in the stall next to someone with a “wide stance”.

-White guys tryin’ to rock black guy hair styles.

-Women stuck with embarrassing perms**.

-Anandamide.

 

Thanks to (*) Splotchy and (**) Prunella De Ville.

***According to commentator Steinway21, the arresting cop in the commercial is Sib’s daughter.

Published in: on September 9, 2007 at 7:00 pm Comments (27)

The Bong Remains the Same (Part 4: A Golden God)

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Previous episodes: Part 3, Part 2, Part 1

*****

With the spell on Lord Jim broken, our party rode quickly across the countryside. Finally we reached our destination, which appeared to be the ruins of an ancient city. Bricks lay scattered about and a layer of black dust covered the entire landscape. A few meters away, two children fought over a crust of bread, their toothless mothers waiting expectantly on the outcome. It was as if some heartless army had torn the city apart, destroying any shred of humanity and leaving only a bitter hunger in their wake.

“What is this terrible place?” I asked.

“Birmingham” said Sir John “’tis me birthplace”. He was overcome by a sorrow that could only be soothed by two large cups of mead.

Our party rode on silently, stunned by what we were witnessing. Suddenly we saw a golden glow, radiating like sunlight from a small hut.

“Go into the light” said the Rover, “for it will lead us to Prince Percy”.

“Royalty…in this desolate place?” I asked.

“Royalty of a sort” said the Rover “he is a commoner named Robert, but with a voice so majestic, the locals believe him to be chosen by the heavens”.

The door of the hut was open, so we walked in. There before us were two maidens performing the most unnatural acts upon Prince Percy. I immediately regretted not knocking, but he seemed unperturbed.

“Almost finished here chaps, make yourselves at home”.

We sat in an adjacent room and he joined us shortly. He seemed to know Sir John and greeted him warmly.

“John, old friend” he said, “sodden as usual I see”.

“These journeys do wear on a fellow” said Sir John, brightening visibly.

Prince Percy listened to the Rover’s story.

“If Sir John is coming, then you can count on me as well” he said, and headed off to dress.

When he emerged from his room he was wearing a most unusual suit of chain mail. It hugged his slender frame tightly and was adorned with flowers. The suit opened all the way to his navel, exposing a chestful of ginger hair. Only time would tell whether it offered any protection, but one thing couldn’t be denied. Before us was a golden god.

The maidens washed and teased his strawberry blond curls until they formed a mane around his cherubic face. They cooked a parting meal then offered what they called “a very special dessert”. Prince Percy, however, could only think of battle. As we got up to make our exit he turned to them:

“Save me a piece of your custard pie”

And with that, he walked out the door, possibly to his doom.

…to be continued 

Published in: on September 5, 2007 at 11:40 am Comments (14)

This Post’s For You….

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The inexplicable flow of traffic to this site from people searching for “ZZ Top” (see previous post) hasn’t died down at all. We at Anandamide considered changing to an all ZZ Top format (“All Top, All the Time !!!!!”) just to keep our hit rate at this ego-boosting high.

Don’t worry, however, gentle reader. This was just a passing thought. As chairman and editor here at Anandamide, I want to let you know that I refuse to whore myself just to get hits. Artistic integrity seeps from my every pore.

My inspiration is Neil Young’s 1988 album “This Note’s For You”. Sure, I know what you’re thinking: “that album was nothing but shitty frat-boy blues rock by a guy who seemed to spend the 80’s smoking angel dust”. Ok…fair enough, but at least he wasn’t going to sell it to any beer company !!! The video where he lampoons popular icons of the day like Michael Jackson and Spuds McKenzie would haunt my dreams if ever I sold out, so I won’t do it.

That’s why you’ll never see me write a dubious post where I mention ZZ Top a lot of times, or drop a lot of ZZ Top related buzz words just to get more ZZ Top-related traffic. I mean, I could talk all about ZZ Top’s members (Billy Gibbons, Dusty Hill and Frank Beard), or ZZ Top’s home town (Houston, Texas) or mention the titles of a bunch of ZZ Top albums (Deguello, Eliminator, Afterburner) or ZZ Top songs (Sharp Dressed Man, Tush, Cheap Sunglasses etc.) but I’m not going to. My artistic vision will not be compromised for a few hundred hits.

This post’s for you !!!!