Anandamide: What a Long, Strange Trip It’s Been….

 

Greetings Loyal Readers,

It has now been three long months since we flipped on the big switch and launched Anandamide.  We were so young then.  The world seemed a magical place, a garden of opportunity and endless possibility.  Well, since that time our hectic pace of 1-2 posts a week  has turned us into an embittered, balding shell of a man. 

 So the time seems right to offer a retrospective.  A way to chart all the personal growth (and dare I say….healing) that has taken place.  Please believe that this has everything to do with charting growth and nothing to do with the fact that I’m going to be on vacation until July 9th and unsure whether I’ll have access to the internet.

So I got to thinking: what do classic rock DJs do when they need time away (to visit Jim Morrison’s grave or go on a laser Floyd marathon or whatever classic rock DJs do to recharge their batteries thus keeping their shows so relentlessly original)?  They run one of those “top 500 songs of all time” in which they replay all of the most popular ROCK tunes of the past few decades.  Well, I thought I’d do something a little different.  Here, in order, are my six least popular posts of the past three months. 

This is in no way a cheap ploy to buy time by trotting out a bunch of old posts that you probably haven’t read.  It is a philosophical thing: as I am one of those shifty liberal-types that Ann Coulter and her ilk are always raving about, I feel a pathological need to prop up anything that can’t stand on its own two feet, even if it defies all logic.

So, without further ado, here they are for your comment and consideration: the bottom six posts OF ALL TIME !!!!! 

1. The Gospel According to Ray

2. Dear Dave

3. California: A Stately Pleasure Dome

4. Are You There God: Its Me, Elton

5. Greatness is Intimidating

6. A Visit From Miss Stephanie 

Cover Letter Received by Manny’s Auto Body, Perth Amboy, New Jersey

 

May 10, 1985                

Attn:         Emanual “Manny” Alvares, Manny’s Auto Body.

Re:             Employment Opportunity

Dear Mr. Alvares,

Please accept the enclosed resume as a token of my interest in joining the Manny’s Auto Body team. While I have never worked in this field before, I hope this letter will convince you that I have what it takes to be a valuable part of your organization.

My last position was as a longshoreman at the Port Newark-Elizabeth Marine Terminal. As you can see from my resumé, in March of 1984 the longshoreman’s union went on strike and since that time nearly 14 months ago, I’ve been down on my luck. It’s been tough. So tough…I’ve had to endure the humiliation of being financially supported by my girlfriend and even had to pawn my guitar which has always been a source of pride and confidence for me.

You may ask how I managed to hold on through these trying times. I noticed that in the months after losing my job my attitude towards work (and life in general) changed dramatically. I came to believe that it doesn’t make a difference if one “makes it” or not. I had my girlfriend to support me (both emotionally and financially) and that seemed like a lot.

I now realize that attitude was hopelessly naive. My girlfriend had always dreamed of running away. I always had the same response: “someday…”, by which I meant we were on our way to better times so we just needed to wait it out. Well, I guess she finally got tired of always being “halfway there” because she did end up running away….with my older brother Buddy, who makes a mint running his own landscaping company. So now all that “we’ve got each other” stuff just seems like a bunch of greeting-card nonsense.

I don’t want to sound like I’m begging, but I’m desperate for a job. Please help. I’m living on a prayer here….

Yours truly,

Thomas “Tommy” DaSilva

Five Things….John and Yoko Would be Doing for Peace Today

In the spring of 1969 John Lennon and Yoko Ono staged “Bed-Ins” at the Amsterdam Hilton and the Queen Elizabeth Hotel in Montreal, staying in bed for a week at a time…for peace. To commemorate the 38th anniversary of those historic events, here are five things John and Yoko would be doing for peace today.

-Bowl-Ins (watching every college football bowl game over the holiday period…for peace)

-Bake-Ins (doing continuous bong hits in front of the television…for peace)

-Boil-Ins (eating nothing but English cuisine…for peace)

-Breathe-Ins (breathing non-stop…for peace)

-Bank-Ins (counting their money…for peace)

The Gospel According to Ray (part 3)

Readings from “Light My Fire: My Life With the Doors” by Ray Manzarek

THE WORD:

from Chapter 13 “Back to the Beast”, pg. 249

“(Jim was) like a gunfighter, all cool and dangerous and slightly evil, except Jim was a slinger of words, not hot lead….And he looked great in leather. And when the ladies saw him on TV and saw the bulge in his crotch, they were pierced through the heart chakra. They were slain by love/lust. His American maenads . When they saw, on national television, what appeared to be the head of Jim’s penis, the glans penis, straining against its black leather enclosure, they knew he had no underwear. It was just leather against shaft…and their imaginary hand was in between. And they loved him.”

MEDITATION:

Many readers of this pivotal passage take the wrong message from it. To those readers, one male describing another male’s “bulge” in such breathy detail suggests their relationship had a certain homoerotic quality. But that’s because those readers are focused on the penis as an object of the flesh rather than as a religious symbol or a tool of redemption. Sort of like the nails that pierced the hands of Christ. Only a lot bigger…..and juicier….and maybe oiled up. Mmmm, yeah just like that. That’s right big boy.

DSM-V Case Study: Yours Sincerely, Wasting Away

Paul, a highly successful 64-year old musician made an appointment at the behest of his friends and family members who stated that he seemed somewhat confused and out of touch with reality. The patient didn’t share their concern, stating “I don’t see what they’re on about, really. Things seem to be getting better and better all the time !!”

Paul had been a member of a highly successful quartet and had become accustomed to almost effortlessly creating music that made him a popular and highly acclaimed figure. Furthermore, he was part of a song writing duo that many considered the finest of the modern era. While he stated that nothing had really changed, he did admit to “a spot of bother” when his band referred to his songs “Ob la di, Ob la da” and “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer” as “fluffy bollocks” and seemed reluctant to play them. These disputes escalated and contributed to the breakup of the much-beloved group. Following the traumatic breakup, Paul kept working at a breakneck pace. Rather than learning from his mistakes, however, his compositions became increasingly lightweight, as if he were saying “they thought that was fluffy bollocks? I’ll show them fluffy bollocks !!!”.

In addition to his featherweight songs, those around him noticed an increased tendency to go into fugue-like bouts of nostalgia. He had taken to stopping dinner parties dead with reminiscences like: “after writing ‘Drive My Car’, John and I popped around to the local chip shop. He used to put pepper on his chips. Incredible really, but that’s just the sort of bloke he was”. He had also begun to appear forgetful, repeatedly releasing new anthologies of the quartet’s hits, seemingly unaware that he had just finished doing so the previous year.

Discussion of “Yours Sincerely, Wasting Away”

Paul’s decline in cognitive function and aimless drift towards sugary, sentimentality began in his late twenties and progressed thereafter, growing particularly acute in midlife. These symptoms and their developmental time course are indicative of early onset Dementia Sucrosa (DSM-V diagnostic code 290.99). While this disorder is common late in life, onset in early adulthood is usually the result of sustained use of cannabis. While Paul stated that he “couldn’t recall” smoking cannabis, such lapses in memory are common in this population.

Follow Up

Upon being told of his ailment, Paul was surprisingly chipper “No use being all mopey about things. Back to work, then !! Toppermost of the poppermost, and all that….”. He entitled his next album “Memory Almost Full”, seemingly laughing in the face of his cognitive decline. It is noteworthy, however, that more than one reviewer was heard to refer to the album as “fluffy bollocks”.

Cliff’s Notes: Rolling Stone Interview With Keith Richards and Johnny Depp (May, 2007).

These two cultural icons were recently interviewed together. This interview just happened to coincide with the release of “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End” in which they both appear. For those of you who missed this seminal, hard-hitting interview, Cliff’s Notes offers this summary.

Interviewer: Keith, you are cool, like a pirate.

Keith: Yes, that’s true.

Interviewer: Johnny, do you agree that Keith is cool like a pirate and, if so, has his coolness influenced you?

Johnny: Yes, Keith is cool like a pirate and I am trying to be cool in the same way.

Interviewer: Keith, is Johnny cool like a pirate?

Keith: Yes, Johnny is cool like a pirate, but not as cool as me.

Johnny: That’s true, I’m not as cool as Keith.

-End-

Five things…..Bono is Doing For Africa (that you didn’t know about)

Bono’s charitable work has attracted much well-deserved attention. But most of what he does occurs when the cameras and microphones are switched off. Here’s five things he’s doing for Africa that you probably didn’t know about:

1/ Requiring Adam Clayton to buy all his weed from Malawi.

2/ Refusing to remove his tinted shades until malaria is eradicated.

3/ Following Warren Buffett around saying “Am I buggin‘ ya? Didn’t mean to bug ya….” until he donates.

4/ Setting a good example for the drug companies by charging Africans nearly nothing for U2’s Pop album.

5/ Still not playing Sun City.

All the Other Kids Have An Official Seal, I Want One Too….

After everyone else started getting official seals (see here, here, here, and here), I knew I had to have one too. By the courtesy of the fine folks at Says-It (http://www.says-it.com/seal/circle.php), I now present the official seal of Anandamide: