Homoerotic Friday (Freddy Mercury - Disqualified !!!!)

Happy Friday everyone !!!!

Let’s keep rolling with the disqualified contestants from the homoerotic photo contest. This one was a no-brainer. Freddy Mercury was disqualified because he’s gay. While this might seem discriminatory, I would like to re-iterate: there is nothing, in my mind, inherently funny about homoeroticism. The whole point of this rather pointless contest was to revel in the irony of straight guys (primarily from the world of heavy metal) dolling themselves up in a misguided attempt to turn on the ladies.

Having said that, there is something pretty great about the outfit Freddy’s wearing. My 3-year old son has a pair of pajamas that kind of look like this (without the sequins) and whenever he wears them I say “hey, sing Bohemian Rhapsody for me”. He doesn’t know I’m busting on him…..heh heh heh. So to get things perfectly clear, homoeroticism: not funny. Busting on your 3-year old: funny.

Thanks (for a second straight week) to Chris from Inane Thoughts and Ramblings for this picture.

“Would you like a wiener with your beans?”

I Am Not Worthy…

OK, I’ve done a thing or two in my life that I can look upon with pride. I have kids, for instance. That’s pretty good. Also I have a legion of ZZ Top fans who hang on my every word and follow me to the bathroom and stuff. That’s a little unsettling, but I’ll never lack for barbecue.

Anyway, I thought my life was pretty full before, but nothing could have prepared me for this.

I’m linked on Ronnie James Dio’s Wikipedia page !!

I know this may inspire insane jealousy: “Anandamide’s blog isn’t half as good as mine, I should be linked on Dio’s Wikipedia page, not him”. Some of you doubting Thomases may not even believe it’s true. Well, here it is, go see for yourselves. I’m in the trivia section, in the item about Cortland, New York.

Others of you may think that this awesome benchmark of success is the result of sinister forces. I’ve heard you whispering…”Anandamide sold his soul to get on the Dio page”. I’m not saying that’s true, but here’s one rather strange fact. The greatest single number of hits this blog has received was on November 15th, 2007. The number of hits received? 666.

Coincidence? Judge for yourself……

Homoerotic Friday (Lita Ford - Disqualified !!!!)

Welcome everyone, to another in our series of disqualified entries for the homoerotic photo contest.

The disqualification of this entry can be taken as a comment on the gender confusion that characterized ’80s hair metal. This entry, from Chris at Inane Thoughts and Ramblings was disqualified because Lita Ford is…..wait for it…..a girl !!!!!!

New AC/DC Album

Due to our close personal relationship with the band, Anandamide has been granted the exclusive privilege of announcing the release of the new AC/DC album “Knee To The Balls”. The album’s lyrics deal almost exclusively with rock and roll and sex, marking a stark departure from their previous albums. Here is the track listing:

*Knee to the Balls

*She’s Givin’ Me The Itch

*The Taste of Meat (Do You Like It?)

*Her Tuna, My Harpoon

*Devil’s Rod

*Buryin’ My Love In Your Back Yard

*Hard Rock, Sausage Roll

*Chewin’ My Tree (Like a Beaver)

*She Wants to Rock and Roll (But I Want to Do It)

*Put Your Hand in the Hand of the Man (With the Hand in His Pants)

Ok, seriously, the last one isn’t on the album. That one I just made up. But the rest of them are totally serious. Devil horns all around.

Homoerotic Friday (Frank Zappa - Disqualified !!!!)

Welcome back my friends, to the show that never ends…..Yes, every Friday we at Anandamide scour our inbox for the best in rock n’ roll beefcake.

Today we continue our series on entries that were disqualified from the great homoerotic photo contest. Last week’s entry from Coaster Punchman was disqualified for breaking the rule that the entrant had to be classic rock. This week’s photo didn’t miss out because of a blatant rule violation, but more for violating the spirit of the contest. In many ways, the photo below is similar to one of our strongest entries (this one of Rod Stewart): long hair, plenty of exposed man-flesh and a skimpy bikini that fails to cover the rocker’s pubic region (who can resist male pubic hair !!!! so hot !!!!). The critical difference is the attitude. With the Rod Stewart photo, you just know Rod is desperately trying to be sexy and believing that he’s doing the ladies of the world a favor by barely covering his schlong and exposing the beard in his pants (”a little glimpse of heaven, luv”). It’s that attitude that makes the photo funny, in my opinion.

Contrast that with this photo submitted by Captain Smack. The skimpy bikini is there, the pubis, and plenty of ferns to boot. But it’s my judgment that the intention here is to be weird and disturbing, rather than sexy. But I will let you, the reader decide. Ladies and gentlemen, Frank Zappa:

“For some reason, the children didn’t trust the curator at the botanical museum”

Homoerotic Friday (Eminem - Disqualified !!!!)

Ok, sorry that the last few Fridays have been missing that little touch of homoerotic magic. January was a bit of an ugly month and we at Anandamide have been neglecting you, our gentle readers. But we have been paying attention to your comments. Coaster Punchman was wondering why none of his his submissions for the homoerotic photo contest had appeared. Good question. He, and a number of others sent in some real quality man flesh that never saw the light of day. Why you might ask? Because they were disqualified from the contest for one reason or another.

So that the disqualified parties understand why their pictures never appeared and so nobody is deprived of these photos, we will occasionally run some of these entries on homoerotic friday, with an explanation for disqualification.

First case in point: CP’s fine Eminem submission. This is a great entry because a) Eminem is sexist and homophobic and b) this photo is about as gay as it gets. So why the disqualification? To cite the original contest rules “Only classic rock band photos will be posted”. So Eminem didn’t make the cut for the contest. But I won’t deprive my readers of this tasteful art photo any longer. Ladies and germs…..EMINEM !!!!! Thanks Punchman.

“Watch it explode in my mouth !!!“

Anandamide Patron Saint: Rick Wakeman

OK, Clarence Clemons has been receiving our prayers for a couple of months now, and after a while even the big man can’t fit all my burdens on his shoulders. This month has been filled with unique challenges that require the attention of a saint who is a little more…..progressive. Until further notice, our prayers will be directed to Yes keyboard wizard Rick Wakeman.

Claims to Sainthood

-Popularized capes as manly apparel.

-Reportedly left Yes in the early ’70s due to “musical differences” and the fact that he was the only non-vegetarian in the band.

-Made Yanni look like a doobie-smoking couch potato by releasing no fewer than eight new age-y albums in 1991, including the trilogy “Aspirant Sunrise”, “Aspirant Sunset” and “Aspirant Sunshadows”.

-Not only made a concept album called “The Myths and Legends of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table”, but went bankrupt putting a theatrical version on ice. I bestow honorary Canadian Citizenship upon him.

-Played piano on “There’s No One Quite Like Grandma” by the St. Winifred’s School Choir”. Unfortunately, this one never made it to the ice.

Patron Saint of:

-Men who dress like superheros.

-Meat eaters.

-Keyboard players and anyone else who can’t get a date.

-Women who’ve been beheaded by their royal husbands.

-Anandamide.

DSM-V Case Study: Axis I, Bold as Love

Jimi, a male of indeterminate age was wheeled in by his manager and various family members. As the patient’s court-appointed guardian, his manager informed us that the patient was “too fragile” to participate in the interview unless covered by a blanket. I expressed concern and agreed to conduct the interview with the blanket on, deciding instead to deal with this rather strange quirk therapeutically. No defining physical characteristics were observed. The patient’s affect was static.

I communicated with the patient’s minders to discuss their concerns about previous medical diagnoses, assuring them that while other medical specialists might rush to morbid prognoses simply because they didn’t know what to do with his symptoms, the psychiatric profession prided itself on really listening and being comfortable with uncertainty.

The interview was, indeed, extremely informative. The patient was anhedonic, bordering on catatonic. He was unable to confirm experiencing a sense of hopelessness and depressed mood, so all consuming was his misery. This observer also noticed the patient’s poor personal hygiene, as evidenced by a body odor so profound that one of the janitorial staff was heard to observe “yikes, who died in here?”, hours after the interview.

Discussion of Axis I, Bold as Love

The patient’s catatonic state, total disruption of social functioning and disregard for personal hygiene are indicative of a Major Depressive Disorder. Patient was given a prescription for sertraline, a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor, with a plan to begin cognitive therapy.

Follow Up

The patient’s manager wheeled him in six weeks later, reporting that there had been no change in his condition. I concurred that he looked somewhat lifeless. His manager became defensive. “What are you saying? Are you saying he looks dead? Well, I’ll tell you mister, he put out three albums last year. Does that sound like a dead guy to you?”

The patient is not responding well to cognitive therapy, we will concentrate on more behavioral strategies like short walks and relaxation breathing. It is also recommended that the patient switch from sertraline to zyprexa.

Gone Fishin’

Hey all,

Forgive the lack of activity of late. I am traveling for work for most of January and may or may not be able to post for a couple of weeks.

I don’t know whether it’s encouraging or depressing that traffic to this site remains pretty much the same whether I show up or not. I guess my ramblings are no match for semi-clothed pictures of Bon Jovi.

See you all soon…..

Homoerotic Friday (Billy Idol)

Other places have “casual dress” days to end the week. Or maybe “funny hats”, or “get drunk after work”. Not us. We prefer to maintain dignity, formality and sobriety and take our solace in a good old fashioned side of beef. Hubba hubba !!!!

This entry was first submitted by Tenacious S and a couple of days later, independently, Chris from Inane Thoughts and Ramblings seconded the motion to feature the man flesh of Billy Idol. Motion passed !!!!

It’s a nice day for a black codpiece